Missing Tracks...

the deserted station...well not as bright as the photo..it was dark..
Well missing tracks? hmm.. got busy these days and lost track of my own blog!! that is one reason y i named it so.. and the others..let me describe my recent weekend..a trip to boston from rhode island...well i was planning to go to boston since a long time...but cudnt make it for various reasons best not known by me! and finally was invited for a 3rd time to visit my cousins place for diwali..so i was all set to go there...started to boston by bus..thanx to my roomies to drop me in the bus station...it was quite scary( the bus station ofcourse!)...so got in..and i was asked to get down in boston and stand near the McDonalds.. well after an hour of silent bus jorny,i got down and started to move out of the station and as soon as i came out i saw a McD's and stood there.. time was roling...but no clue of my cousin any way around...was dying of hunger so ate some fruit( i brought it from home..what a caring roomie to pack friut ah??!)...well after filling my small pot decently..i thought my cousin totally forgot to pick me up...later thought she was stuck in traffic...or she is unable to find me...and with so many things occupying my mind..i casually asked the Mcd's guy whether therez any other McD'd there...he replied therez one more but it is in the train station...not the bus! well after a seriuos thinking for a few minutes i moved reluctantly towards the other building but cudnt find my way out of the building... got some help from a police chap there..and i got the directions.. he offered me to accompany but i posed too much and said i will be all fine and went alone downstairs and then only realized it was so deserted and my jhansi rani style of posing was way too much... i finally got out to other station and there i go, i found my cousin waiting for me..and explained her that i came by bus and not by train! but it was a communication difference bcoz of the names there... well this confusion of names dint leave me here.... i will come to this later... well so went home.. slept well.. it was diwali day!! so the telephone was buzzing so many times.. wishes..wishes and so many wishes.. did some puja( not really!!) and then ate good food... went out for a long drive...only to see the left over fall colours...and saw three movies...spent a gr8 time bowling on diwali nite... had nice indian food too... and finally yday on sunday...started back to rhode island.. my cousin dropped me in the train station this time, as she had to go else where ( bought a ticket ofcourse..good to have such cousins rite??!!) and just asked me to stay there..see the platform number and then move...well i forgot to tell u.. i did groceries in the indian stores there...and I was carrying three plastic bags full of veggies and a small travel bag and a boyish hand bag too( i know..i always carry less! u cna chk my banglore phobia..i always carry less!!) and after a hour of waiting for my train.. i heard an announcement..440 train to kingston is on track 11... i waited for a few minutes to see the track number appear on the information board..but i thought it was loud and clear..so y waste my time standing there..i can as well confirm there and get in..( well i was having a conversation with a undergraduate girl there and she said "oh u study in rhodeisland... well i am in kingston..rhode island is a nice place!" i thought she is also to kinston..and as soon as the announcement was made.she left to the track 11..and obviously it took some time for me to reach there as i have little luggage..and i was so happy after i got in to the train that i am travelling by train for the first time and cud make it easily and I was so sure as i confirmed with the tc there that the train goes to kinston..and placed my luggage inside and sat happily... i realized what i did just after that,only when the tc came in to collect my ticket! i am in the wrong train! I missed the track!! well yes the train goes to kingston..but not the one in rhodeisland but the one in MA..!and it its kingston and not kinston!! so when i asked him whether it goes to kinston ..he replied yes it goes to kingston!! and i got in happily... now came my worst fears.. i had little money left in my purse( ya..how the hell will i know i will miss the track! not a good reasoning...but yes i shud have filled my purse decently..) then what?? he asked me to get down in the next stop.. take a train back to boston..and then catch something else to rhodeisland... he said it so easily.. after a few seconds of listening to him...the only thing i asked him was..how much do u think all that costs?!!! well he answered quite quizzically that they are not going to charge anything as it was just by a mistake but i have to go back to the counter and get my ticket changed... managed a satisfactory smile and thanked him..but i wasnt sure....later ( thanx to the tc guy)he came up and told me to get down and wait there so that another train will come right in 15mins and takes me to boston and i can catch the next train to RI which is only after 2 hrs... thanked him for the info and got down in the next station... 15 mins of silence!! the subway station is deserted..dark... and therez no clue where i am staying..! i was not afraid untill i found an old man walking towards me... well exactly..u r right i remembered dil chahta hai too!! only missing memeber there was amir khan! this man was drunk and he spoke something..i didnt understand one bit of it.. he said" people say i am mad..do u think so...? i have seen many platforms like this...deserted... i have been to many places in us... i was once rich..." and he went on...all I cud answer was jus to smile( out of fear?!.. i don know out of what..)those 9 minutes or so were very silent... i don know how many curses i cursed myself..few go to my cousin who did wait till i got into the train safely.. few for not having a mobile phone in hand.. few for my own wisdom... and few to the tc idiot who said it was kingston when i showed him my ticket... and for not chking the platform number and following that stupid undergrad girl..and what else.. wasa carrying my little luggage and was runing all over with that three hand bags full of veggies.. for all the running i did bcoz of my over intelligence..i was hungry.... and my brain was working so good that i dint realize i was carrying three hand bags full of food and that i can eat some biscuits or something from them...( intelligent!!) finally..came the train to boston..and i breathed heavily...and got in..reached boston without having to pay anything.and went to the ticketing counter to change my ticket and guess what the train which i actually have to take was delayed by an hour and dint leave the station at all !! lucky me?!( i don think so... after all the hungama that happened...) so i saw a long line of passengers waiting to go to kinston rhodeisland..and confirmed it a dozen times that i am standing in the right q and got into the right track! and ya thats the other reason for the title missing tracks!! and there goes me again to the platform with all the groceries...and just then i realized how much i shopped after carrying them to three different places all in one hand! and finally my roomies( who were wating in RI to pick me up) and cousin (who is waiting for my call that i reached safely) exchanged a few calls... and before they cud schold me or say something i explained that i cudnt make any outstation call as i don have a calling card and i cudnt call my cousin as i forgot her number!( i am very bad with numbers.. dont lecture me that i cud have written it down in a paper in case of emergency..! i thought i can call my roomies..but just realized i am not in the same town and i need a calling card to call an outstation number!.. u will know when u r lost and and out of experiences like this!! )( how many can "learn out of experiences" like me?!!) so finally reached home..tired... panting... describing my deserted station...and the old man...and mentioning i was hungry..just then i was told i wud have grabbed somethng from the food i bought! well the mind wasnt working till today morning...well its normal now..dont worry too much.. that was my first diwali in US and my first trip alone in this place....

Feelings were silently running along with the tracks!

My 9/11

Well i did took a long gap before i could start posting something in my blog..but i have my reasons... and most of u knew them ..so let me start with how i am doing...
well my journey to US of A was good..landed in frankfurt...amazing airport...could find my terminal easily... checked in..cudnt afford a coffee!( itz 4$) ( i heard coffee is too gud in frankfurt airport..)made frenz with a few desis in the q... spent a good time discussing about the life here in america... cudnt sleep much from frankfurt to boston... and guess what, i saw my chennai visa officer( not my tom cruize..another guy who usually takes finger prints in chennai consulate) sitting jus beside me.. half the journey,i was wondering where i saw him..and in the rest half, i dint want to go back,so dint dare say hi to him! i was recieved in boston... it was drizzling as soon as i got down.. good sign isnt it?! and then went around.. nice to have cousins who buy everything for u!! they spent so much on me... and i did take a few pictures..unfortunately cudnt upload... then ya..slept well for a day and then i was dropped in my univ..by the way univ of rhode island... popular enough... this place is a small village here but known for its fall colours and 100 beaches... happy to be always near the sea... lovely beaches,but i miss my bench and vizag beach like hell! the univ is big enough... i was lost and i am still being so, as i am forgetful when it comes to routes and numbers... so finally settled with a tamil couple(young couple! no no..i am not disturbing them much!) near my univ... jus a small walk and i will be in my department.. mingled well with them.. and i casually mentioned my birthday to them.. we do groceries once in a while..and as another family and few grad students were invited for dinner on 10th by us,we had to buy a few things for the kitchen and i was taken to the stores and suddenly to my surprise was asked to choose a cake among the numerous cakes put up there..! i was seriuosly surprised, and back home, we spent a great evening with the new people i met and when they got to know about my bday on 11th, they stayed back till 12am and i cut the cake( for the first time in my life!!) ..( with whom i had just a week of friendship..!) in minutes,my face is full of cake and a few clicks...and then tears rolled down my eyes... felt centi for a few mins... i dint expect so much...felt very happy.... made good frenz with them...had fun..they teased me royally...we saw movies on the weekends... i was taken to 2 beaches here... not as good as vizag beach....but clean one....i was also taken to one of my roomie's proffs house..a big house just beside the lake.. its jus awesome.. he took us for a ride and i clicked so many pics... unfortunately, i cudnt upload them...i may do it this weekend... and then regarding school,ya its good..if i get the funds it wud be tooooo good...nice campus... nice people... i am having fun.. assignments started..classes...appointments with proffs... on campus job hunt...resumes...groceries.. food... movies..it started to rain already.. getting colder.... my first winter here....i am kinda careful..and also excited...i went to the health services..and my doc in India forgot to write about tetnus injection..and i have to take tetnus booster here.. just 40$...i can have 40 tt injections in india for that sum! well its booster u know!? have to fix an appointent for that tetnus thing....
hey i am posting a few lines each day..and guess what i got an oncampus job yday!! tutoring undergrads..i have to teach math and chemistry... i dont know how far n how gud i will teach them.. but quite happy that i got a job... waiting for one more job... life is kind of taking too many turns and i guess its going to be good enuf.. got to c wats in store.. so nothing much in america...i din find anything fancy here...not till this moment atleast...fine thats my story for the past 20 days in america..and my first bday here...
Feelings?!!

I... VISA..n TOM CRUISE!

Finally... got my visa!
well let me talk about my title...
I was first rejected a visa... for a silly reason..though it was a bit seriuos for them.. i was asked to get an updated income tax report as my dad is a buisinessman... and i dint take it as it was july 27th and my dad dint file the new one yet...it was my bad luck that i was interviewed by a lady and it was already 5pm and there were 100 people behind me ..as there were jus 4 counters operating that day...and to my ever ending luck... 3 counters had female visa officers and only one was by a male person... i thought i will have a tough time and i had it for sure.. the day was very bad..and had major rejects that day.... quite dissapointedly i came back.... dint seriuosly wanted to apply again... i lost all the little interest i had on US of A....
The first time i went i was praying i wud stand in the male officers Q... the person sitting beside me, rejected once,was constantly telling me, girls will be given visas... i said..lets c...and this lucky man grabbed my seat and stood in the male oficers Q...i felt...ok.let him.. poor soul... second time... i will anyway get it...
but mins after this i came out vth my passport in hand...denied!
i dont know wheteher that man got the visa or not.. but came home... dissappointed... then again started chking my dates... the same old process... cought hold of a few people to get some dates.. but fortuanately managed to get the visa dates by my self vth my cousins help... finally attended visa this 21st at chennai.. was very cool..no tension at allllll!!!! ( u get used to yaar.. second time!!) i was smiling at those who r preparing for their interviews..y masters.. y this univ... and stuff... after all i am their senior! and the day was pretty cool too.. even my dad dint bother much to wait outside the consulate... he said he vl come after 3 hrs and left... went in..finished all the proceedings..and finally sat in the Q.. then i saw my luck turning Red.... i was asked to go to the same lady again.... i jus told the security guy... that i vl have some water n then join.... he asked me to leave th efile in the same row and then go.... i went into the rest room.. made up my mind that..what ever happens will be favourable...washed my face... jus gulped some water... came back nd what do i c ?!! the lady closed her counter!!!!
I was surprisingly very happy... i was very sure that second that i vl get my visa... and know what? i managed immediately to stand in the same male person's Q the first time i missed....!
Now let me tell u about this man... this man is the youngest chap in the counsulate... thin..fair..very cute...around 27 yrs..and ressembles TOM CRUISE ( TC) a bit...very friendly guy.. puts u in ease... he issues visas to almost everyone possible... i stood in this
TC's Q.. and god knows y i was laughing for my self .. i was looking like an idiot.. so happy.. blushing...smiling..as if i am going there to the counter to ask him for a date! instead of preparing what to answer him..i was staring at this man... and sudenly he looked at me..and i jus managed a small grin... and came into my right senses... he asked me a few simple questions... i was confident i vl get it.. so answered them well... he put me on hold for 10 mins... and he was almost done and i was thinking what shud i tell him if he asks" what wud u do if u were given a visa?"..i was preparing this answer... and all the thoughts i was geting were... "i wud thanq u... invite u over coffee.. run back nd hug my father... thanx sir... u look like tom cruise.... wud u care for some coffee vth me???"i was thinking crap! utter crap! just then heard him saying... "mam ia mglad to inform u vl be recieving ur passport in 3 days to the address u mentioned..njoy ur stay in US" b4 he turned back..i put him in some convo..can i get my visa today itself...i have very little time....can i use the rush hour service.." hmmm so desperate to go to US ahh??!!" this time i gave a broad smile... and said i wud rather collect it at my address...and waved him good bye... ran out and hugged my father...and told him tom cruise gave me the visa!! ithink.. more than the happiness of getting visa..i am happy bcoz tom cruise gave it to me!
and u guys..anyone planning to go for visa in chennai... go to tom cruise...!
and here i am writing posts for my blog... when i have tons to buy..pack..and do... know what i am planing to fly this 27th from banglore to boston, and i dint even buy a suitcase yet!
i dint want to have these big suitcases in my house unneccessarily...i was waiting for my visa to be perfectly done..!! so had lots of things in pending... so u guys take care...njoy... i shall update as soon as possible..i started missing my home... pc... food..beach...already!

mixed feelings kya?!

Remembering those yester years...

Fifteen years...fifteen long years of friendship..
Am not remembering my yester years jus bcoz tommorrow is a friendship's day.. it has a different reason...the ones familiar vth my blog know about 'josh' my frenz..and 'j' and 'o' were issued a visa to USA and j is starting tommorrow to USA... my only best frend since my 3rd standard......even though we were seperated for so many years in between bcoz of our careers.. this time a lot more centi is wrapped up...and the fact that we cant c each other for 2 yrs is overrid by our sweet moments v spent vth each other...
cycling those years back...
i met her first in a picnic in mudsallova( the then famous picnic spot..vth crocodiles in the lake...now its closed ofcourse..) ...though we were from different sections..we still dont understand, how we grew to be so thick frenz...those meetings in the break time..the cycle rides.. the waiting after school to have a joyfull ride on our cycles holding hands..the pride we had while doing so..( that was a very big feat in those days for us!)..the cycle rides to beach in the evenings..
school days.. computer classes.. NCC days..games...tutions in the higher classes..exams...ranks..studies..other frenz..those silly jokes we shared..gossip..and my silly peoms to her...how i used to admire her..and buying guvas after school..five stars!..and run home fast not to get a hearing from parents... how we used to meet in the evenings secretly... and wishing each other on birthdays ..and cribbing that " i called first ..i called first"..how silly were those days.. no..no.. how beautiful those days were...greeting cards.. small gifts.. the sense of humour she had made her get a lot of attention from others in school..but i had a pride in heart that she is MY friend... and times rolled so fast that we had little time for each other...and then came my worst period in life..i was seperated for 2 years from her due to various reasons..politics i wud say... those two years were horrible to me..
I had no life other than her..it was very dificult for me to adjust...my whole life used to revolve round her.. suddenly i had no one bside me... life became tougher... but i started learning things... it was new to me..but slowly i got adjusted.. i lost count of those nights when i had nothing to do but to wet my pillow ... then suddenly "o","s","h" came into my life and then life seemed intresting..and then the day wasnt far when i met j again

my treasure!
and we jus holded hands n cried...i went back home vth tear-filled eyes..but i was very happy... i had jus one glimpse every time i closed my eyes..v cycling on streets holding our hands... then therez no looking back.. we spoke so much..we shared so much.. and we had gr8 time after that...but again i had to leave to madras for my engineering...and we had these long phone calls and letters and mails... the pictures we took... our regular meetings in our hangout place...and our asusual bench to hang around.... teasing...long stories of each ones college lifes...that freindship day craze for cards nd roses... ice creams..our fav french fries( bcoz we can sit and chat for an hour..vth jus 20 bucks!!)..our all time fav manchurian...and now after 4 years ...we are again parting... she is going to a different place and far away from my univ..and i was denied a visa..
time did roll fast...but all the memories are so fresh in my mind..i cherished my time vth her..and i was so lost in thinking that i dint bother to get a gift for her when she is leaving... i met her and she was busy packing.. said bye and then i thought i vl gift her something...i went out nd bought a " long chain typed watch vch u hang around ur neck" for her..i cudnt find anything lighter or better for her to carry it to US in that last min shopping of mine... she came out and said..u idiot y did u go out at this hour to get something! i am glad she liked it...
driving home( hey we both have similar bikes too..black honda activas!) i had my little drops roll down my cheek...but this time i was praying for her...i was happy for her... i was happy for our friendship...and then thoughts were rolling back to our good old days again... i got a msg today morning- "happy friendship day..i miss u! vth luv-j "

rolling back those memorable times? I cherish my friendship...i love them all.. Happy friendhip day to all of u..njoy..

feelings were cyclying up and down!

hi... i got a few comments on this post.. but i am very pleased to see a very good poet "JAGS" respond to my post..and inturn write a poem on my friendship.... this is the link to that poem..its written in telugu....so those who can understand..njoy the poem... i am really happy to c this...no words

http://www.geocities.com/jags0022/poetry.jpg

njoy!!

Banglore phobia....

Mmm....ya seriously...i planned to visit banglore to see my sis n jeeju n canclelled my tickets thrice this month already....having visited the reservation counter so often these days( 3 times of reserving n 3 times of cancelling!!) i made frenz vth the ticket counter guy n watch man.( jus 2 man show!!..small one in my colony..).. i din go again..as i thought he wud ask me to c the counter for some time while they can have a small puff!!

ya.. y did i cancel... once coz my doggy is not well..

then i got my ticket waitlisted...

my mom packed all the crap she cud find n make for her loving daughter...she packed so much that the siutcase turned out to be so huge that i wud be misunderstood for travelling to an island for an year!! with the luggage...small bags( vegetables too... mangoes n veggies r costly in banglore!!)n my food packet... with so much i ran to the 4th platform jus to find my name no where!... ticket not confirmed madam... u cant get a seat too..u knw its vacation tim....i din hear the rest..( i travelled vth 170 waitlists in the past.. now came home for jus a waitlist of 4!!) n then again asked him whether i can sit in the sleeper class..he said..s n put me to some coach.. vth my luggage hear n there..i sat down panting ...n the train doesnt move.. in a couple of mins i was almost sitting on my own luggage... not sure whether i wud reach safe n sound after 22 hrs... i got down... thanx for the delay of the train... i had my worst things happen jus after this..i got down vth my so little luggage n cudnt find a potter for 15 mins..saddest part is i sent my driver home n then got down! cursed my mom for her love towards her first daughter.. then my sis for her very small ' wants' list...then my driver for leaving b4 the train leaves the station...the ticket counter fellow for saying it will be confirmed...endless.... came out n bargained my level best vth an auto rickshaw( he asked 3 times after seeing my luggage!) n came home... my mom instead of giving a hand to recieve the luggage, laughed her heart out... after a few phone calls n bhashan for my irresposibility in not chkn whther my ticket was confirmed or not... i ate my aluminium packed food( my mother denied to serve me better!! pchh.. i know.. don pity me so much!)...

i thought i will post the same day after these series of insults.... but went again to book my ticket... jus in the evening i realized.. i had to cancel again...i was down vth viral fever( chicken..mutton.. whtaever it is!) this time my driver cancelled it.. thanx to him! so what next.. fever.. tablets... more of tablets... coconuts..glucose... i was royally served for a week after those insults..( look god is there!!)

i thought i was feeling better... with the railways not favouring me much off-late n no more frenz vth the counter guy... i made fantastic plans to spoil my dad's airline points... i asked him to book tickets for this friday..thats today... nnn yday i had severe shivering n fever! so back to my doc.. this doc of mine made me almost donate blood in the name of blood tests( 3 times for different reasons....i started making frenz vth the blood samples lady too.. friendly nature eh?!)... n now.. i have to go for a 4th blood test...doubting malaria.. i am ok now... but shud satisfy my doc too... so what else... more of tabs n samples...

actually i think its all in the name of banglore... so i am not uttering it now... i think i vl ask my sis herself to come here.. so that i don need to pack the whole of vizag in that pitiable suitcase....! but i made up my mind to be in banglore...so i vl be there.. hopefully by this month end or so... till then.. coconuts n cold sponging!! u guys take care...dont eat pani puris outside( i was told thrice daily it spoils health!)
know wat..? i am trying to publish this post for almost 20 mins now n its not been done... n the colourful picture of 'forum' is somehow not being added.. phobia??it is...
feelings eh?

Cloudy evening...

Hi went out yday to the beach to meet my bench folks...its been a long time since i met them and also its been a week or even more since i stepped out of my house...house arrest? na.. i vl tell the reasons later...
but was at home since a week..it was so boring..what did i do? well revised 'da vinci code' after seeing somany reviews on it continuously on every channel possible... read 'not a penny more not a penny less'.. solving sudoku in the morning ( trying to beat my own records!).. lazying around till evening vth a book mostly..and in the evening,its T time and my pet is ready to play vth me( ball)...then surf the net for some time... try to read some java n stuf like that..( not seriously though!)..cant watch tv as my mom doesnt give me a chance...the same old daily soap...and the new intresting n intellectual (??!!) games shows...
so gone out vth my camera n handy cam( my dad brought it from singapore..his first visit abroad..and called me from there n askd what i want..y loose the oportunity ha?!!)
so was familiarising my self vth its features... was waiting for my bench to arrive..and in the meanwhile clicked a few snaps...with the admissions n stuff occupying too much of space in my mind and the tensions about visa dates and rescheduling of dates n documentation not materializing yet..and too many questions about y r u still free..y dont u work?..increasing day by day..tension is building up.. i thought i need a break..each part of my brain is thinking of a different issue!seriously..n i thought b4 i mess up something i vl go have my time...
and to my luck,the atmosphere was amazing yday( though sticking!!)..with so many colors in the sky playing hide n seek...forgot all my work for a while and was njoying my self..later met my frenz..spoke tons of things...njoyd the climate...
i had a gr8 time watching the sea..
came home...uploaded all the pics...it was a gr8 evening...

slept vth a very happy feeling..!

Rules.. relax...jus like that!!

hi..after a long time..dint really have something to post....
rules? y suddenly rules?what rules?no no..i don want to lecture u.. not my type anyways...
but therez one scene which i thought i should share... u know how these electric wires keep hanging on the roads...almost hitting out helmets( compulsory yaar... gone r the days of 50 bucks!! i am following the rule..)... a few weeks back..was walking in my colony one evenning... it was about to rain in a few mins... and so the power was cut 30 mins in advance...?( savings?!)one electric wire was lying infront of a huge house...then suddenly an old man around 50-55 came towards it..was cursing the electricity dept people n jus picked it up to put it aside n then suddenly the power came! i was jus passing by and sudden screams...shivering and in a minute he is no more...it took me a few moments to realize what has happened...he is a famous doctor... was bothered about people who walk infront of his house...n in mins he is no more...seeing crowd gathering slowly i walked back home after a couple of minutes..but started thinking only of this...its jus bcoz of the neglegance of those people that this man ,who was trying to help others in a way, lost his life...i cudnt sleep the whole night...
i wrote this post long back..but jus put it as a draft...
but was very much moved by his responsibility...
if u put ur waste paper in the bin, where does the point of u complaining about the municipality waala didnt clean the dirt arise at all? if u do something then it will be easy for the government to do something...isnt it?
small things matter... i know people in my family itself speak..in abroad we have to pay fine if we dont follow traffic rules...and we dont find even a small bit of paper on the road...( the same person throws his paper plate on the road side..and throws his "mineral water bottle" infront of his house!!).
its not that whether we are fined for this or not..as my cousin always puts in " rules are for those who follow"...its even more stupid when educated youngsters like me do this...( i was also the same previously..but a time comes when u can really change... what can u tell people if they ask u " as if u dint do this b4?!" nothing !)
as my cousin always puts in " rules are for those who follow"...
anyways i will not give bhashan anymore( i promise ! )..have a gr8 week..njoy.

by the way bought new shoes recently...( 900 rs.. ofcourse i had a 90 min class from my mother too for free!)
rules and shoes? well make them stand upright..they will be of use!
njoy...

It lies within...

what matters most?
while i was in my teens, i read an article which has this intresting conversation

" How are you able to form these vessels so that they possess such convincing beauty? "

"Oh" answers the potter,
"you are looking at the mere outward shape.What I am forming lies within. I am intrested only in what remains after the pot has been broken."

It is not the pots we are forming,but ourselves.

It takes many years to build our selves....but seconds to ruin it..!The beauty of a person lies within. n jus within...

feelings too are within! arent they?

A walk early in the morning...

Last night I was struggling to catch some sleep but somehow cudnt. So got up a lil early n decided on going for a walk on the beach side..... took a small round n sat on my bench( where i sit vth my frenz usually) ...was lazy to walk further..so sat there for quite sometime n was observing people passing by.... people were disscussing about weekend meetings... yday's match... ... rang de basanti...humming pop... spiritual talks... we have to buy a flat... my son drives very fast....jessica's murder case... coach was seriuos with my performance..... this girl is too skinny, god knows y .... ISB offers.... book ur visa date soon.... yoga has good..... he jus called me!!... my latest ring tone.... a group of "beach walkers association" discussing to have a cricket match ...i love coffee,this guy makes it real good... this reminded me of coffee..so...

I jus strolled till the coffee shop...bought one, n walked back but saw my bench already occupied by the walkers association people..so walked even further n sat a few yards away from them..such that their discussion was stil audible...and then a elderly man jus passed by hurriedly not to miss clicking the rising sun( he woke up late...?? sun!!) ... was listenning to some classical music being played from a small temple there... was thinking about my admissions n stuff but was lost in some vague thoughts...wasnt really thinking much..but something was missing..the sun was amazing..bright enuf...still sipping my coffee... n then an old man sat beside me... was looking at me not spking though...silence was filling in...
I was lost in toughts again... msgs started pouring in" good morning..have a nice day" but somehow didnt reply....
was still thinking..the old man beside me was closing his eyes n chanting something... he then finally got up after a few mins n took a few steps, turned back, gave me a smile..n said..GOOD MORNING...have a lovely day... I wished him in return n he left.
I suddenly remebered one of my favourite msgs
"The best kind of a friend is 1 with whom you sit on a bench saying nothing and when you get up and go,u feel u have had the best conversation of your life ! "

I was smiling to myself n then noticed a small puppy ( was trying to get on to the small wall between the pavement n beach )made several attempts to get on to the wall n go to the other side..came running from a distance n tried...kept trying( i wanted to help but i am afraid of dogs...i have an alsatian at home! but still !!)n a lot of them are observing this cute ones' attempts n finally it got on to the other side by itself n few who were watching it do, clapped for its success...it would have felt the moments of triumph!!
smiling to myself... I started msging "good morning..have a lovely day ! "

I had a lovely feeling !

Feeling guilty?!

Did u ever feel guilty? Man without mistakes?!! It’s not impossible. But don’t u think its rare? But realizing their mistakes…what about that? What if they feel guilty of what they have done? Will the mistake be forgiven? Don’t you think feeling guilty itself is realization? And the thought of not making the mistake struck him already?
The momentary mistakes sure make you feel guilty… they haunt you for the rest of your life… but don’t they deserve any pity? What cud be the solution for getting rid of the guilt? Does the person have anyone to share his guilt? What if he doesn’t act good after he shares it? Trust!! This is what is required… isn’t it? If faith on the person takes a upper hand, then can the person be as normal as he is? Mistakes once committed, are forgivable… twice, can be thought of the circumstances…. It shudnt be repeated or else it will be a habit… but over a period of time if he wants to come out of the situation… cant he be forgiven? Does he have to prove himself that he is feeling guilty for what he is doing? If hez not forgiven..Then it haunts him even more…. What do u say?

Feeling guilty??!!!

Well feelings are truly fickle and varied.. Aren’t they?

thoughts... thoughts
thoughts keep running in ur mind...they run so fast that sometimes u have a feeling you have rolled the past in a few mins..u may be happy rolling the past or u dont want to think about it again...?! few things u treasure in life fade off easily.. u part from ur dear ones... ur frenz are gone or busy vth their own life..every one is there for you..but still u r single..world seams big n indifferent to ur feelings...u have lost nothing..but u gained nill..u r occupied vth useless thoughts.. sitting idle makes u think like hell...ur future,ur surroundings, ur relations,ur ambitions...but when u sit back ..relaxed n cooool....u have tons of things to think about...but at that point nothing strikes u.. u jus want to have a gr8 time..smile for ur self...njoy the sunrise..on the seashore..munch it vth ur coffee...but u simply smile ...thoughts keep running...but u r happy ..u have a feeling that u r happy...that makes a difference...its all in how u take it..one feeling makes a big difference to ur life..u jus have to be happy... within...
jus chill n relax...world is so small...jus grab ur bit of it.. u have a gr8 time ahead... have a feeling u r happy ..it makes u happy...n then u do wonders!!
feelings are fickle n varied...arent they?!

Hi i jus thought i vl pen down my 'feelings' with my self...and started this today...
feelings... fickle and varied for sure...

Some of the best moments in life...

Lying in the bed listening to the rain outside...
Thinking about the person u love...
Taking a long drive on a calm road...
A sweet and emotional conversation..
Finding money in your old jeans jus when u need it...
Giggling naughtily...
Holding hands with ur friend for a walk...
getting a hug from someone you care the most...
The moments ur eyes are filled with tears after a big laugh...
This is a part of life !!.... jus njoy..!!

this is one of my favourite sms... i keep reading it on n on...
u can jus finish reading it with a pleasant smile n forget all the stress...
live life kingsize..!!njoy
so shall pen quite often..for now..keep blogging... njoy..!!
luv
josh-my bench