Wednesday, August 21, 2013


I do not remember the last time I had this feeling of being pulled away, uneasiness, sleeplessness - the feeling of butterflies in the stomach. Scariest of my good old days were my exams! I was good at studies but the examination tension was always at its peaks. The numerous prayers, sentiments attached to those fears varied with each passing year. But now all of that tension seams to be nothing at all. How could everything be so normal when the ones always near you suddenly leave you? I couldn't sleep last night. I woke up with painful eyes not knowing what I was doing. I packed up everything. Blindly finished up stuff and was only thinking how my mother managed all of this. Never ever did I remember my mother so much than today. Not when I was carrying, not when I delivered, not when he cried uncontrollably, not when he said "Amma" for first time, not when I saw him sick, but today I couldn't control my feelings, I wondered how my mom did this, how every mom did this for that matter! Today is my sons - Rishik Karthikeya's first day at school. 

 We just left him there and the teacher asked us to leave. I turned back and he was all clinging to me, those wet eyes! Those round big wet eyes!! I dint know whether it was his eyes which were wet or mine.He cried for a few minutes and it stopped.  But I was still crying. The teacher asked me to leave when I was just about to settle down in their lobby. I came home, an empty house! Oh how I hate this feeling. I had to call my mom and hear her voice. How could I leave her for engineering..masters..? What did she go through? I can't wait to go back to pick him up. Here I am blogging after so long a time. I wanted to pour out all my feeling to someone...but couldn't speak it out. I want to pick him up early today. I just want to go give him a tight hug and bring him back. I know I have to leave him, let him learn by himself, but I can't help this feeling of mine. I dint know this will be this hard. I envy the dads for letting them go so easily. Had I been working, this would have been long done, but its seams to be tough now. Gearing up- thinking of school, I do remember my first day at school, not play school- there was no play school at that time, but kindergarten . I remember how I went in happily and my sister used to cry all along the way to school. I wish he gets used to this soon....or rather I get used to leaving him at school. The most important days in your life- schooling has begun, for the kids to learn and in my case- the parents to learn as well !!

Feelings are racing and cycling towards the school!!