i love him..

I left him... i used to wake up with him.... i used to speak to him all day...he was my only friend when i had no one to share... we fought playfully... i missed him.. i miss him... i feel cozier when ever i get the frame of him in my mind.. kozy.

i remember the day when my dad first brought him home. that evening i liked the look of this naughty little hero but was afraid of him. i din go near him and kept moving away and he din like me either.. he ran behind me and i kept running around my house for almost 20 mins and i was tired but this one month kiddy seams to show no signs of giving up... i used my little brain and got on top of the bed and he tried endlessly to catch up with me.. that day he hated me first.i was reluctant to go near him... used to call him from a distance...though admired his little naughty stuff, i maintained a distance... slowly i started liking him...went near him.. started to cuddle him around... and then he started to like me too.. i played with him.... i never thought he liked me as much as he liked my sister and dad... one day my dad bought a nice red belt and i came home from school he came running towards the gate showed me the belt wiht so much of joy and happiness.. and then i started understanding his gestures... kept speaking to him daily so much that he started understanding every bit of what we speak...
well he used to run and tell my mom when ever i was in pain... when ever i fell down on the road and started bleeding... we used to play together...
then one day i left suddenly for my studies...and i used to come home once in 4 months... i was royally welcomed and was missed but that attachment with him was kinda fading...i used to have a special whistling tune with which i used to call him and he used to run and hug me... i had memorable moments with him... but then after my bachelors... i stayed back home for some time and then i had none to speak to or share excepting him... i used to speak to him endlessly and he used to listen ... one summer afternoon... i saw him bleeding from his nose... i thought it was soemthing normal... did some first aid stuff... took him to the doctor... he was ok for a while... the next day he started bleeding tooo much... he bleeded so much that i had so much blood on my dress, when i was taking him to the doctor... my brother who was a vet saw him... my driver was helping so much... i was horrified to see him like that... he was bleeding in pain...i thought i would never see him play again... tears started rolling ... the doctor who was treating him was a sick idiot... who treated him for some crap disease which he didnt even have... he was just sufferring from severe fever and was bleeding bcause of that... it took him 4 days to become normal... but i saw him bleed like hell... he became so close to me in one week that if i close my eyes, i wud see him gently hugging me in pain... with his tear filled eyes... i always wanted to take him to beach and show him how it looks like.. but could never...he was so attached to me that he never left my side... my wistle would just make him run towards the gate....
i left my home.. i came so far that i can now just whistle over the phone and know what? when ever i whistle over the phone- he just runs to the gate to see if i am there! the feeling itself makes me feel so warm.. so cozy!
i wish i wake up with him... i wish i just liedown and when i wake up i see him licking my forehead...i love him...i miss him.
I just want to see him again...just once.
i love him. Kozy- my darling.

feelings are "kozy"...!!

Night in the apartment...


ooohh.. hi there... well, had some crazy incidents happen at my place yday and hence this post...

i had a little hectic day yday and so came home in the evening and dozed off reading veronica decides to die in the sofa... after almost an hour, woke up for a calling bell...with my half sleepy eyes, i opened the door and saw a woman standing with a semi-quizzical face..something told me not to open the door fully and so i asked her" what can i do for u" and
she says- do u have a problem?
me- ( eh? what problem??) i am sorry,i dint follow,
she- i stay in the apartment below... we heard someone walking yday midnight in the hall for almost one hour and woke up for the noise...i came to inquire if everything is ok... actually i wanted to complain.. evryone woke up for the noise..
me- (half not understanding what to say..and half thinking that it might be a prank by someone i knew...) trying not to spoil the show,
i said..i am sorry i slept at 10 itself..i dont know what ur speaking about..( i havent seen her before in my block)
she- please call ur roomies..i want to spk to them..
me-( about what?) my roomies are not at home( y did i say that?) i am staying alone..
she- u stay alone..?
me- right now..yes..
she- we couldnt sleep yday... we heard someone walking past the hall for one hour from 2-3am...
me- i am really sorry..but i slept early and i have no clue what u r spking about...
she- expressionless face... ohh ok.. sorry..bye..
me-(now totally awake) closed the door and double checked it if it is fully closed...
well i laughed for a while and the issue drifted off from my head as i was a little hungry....
finished my dinner and started calling india( airtel is handy yaar...!) and casually mentioned about my new guest from downstairs to my apartment... and was royally teased for a while.. and one of them says " when u have so much company in ur apartment..y do u say u are alone and are getting bored..."
well this particular sentence kept ringing in my mind for a long time... i switched off the tv and suddenly the whole room was silent... i had a strange feeling in my stomach.... felt a little uneasy and switched on the tv again( i accidentally changed the channels) and saw a blank channel...
was taken aback... looked around if i really had some company...
slowly settled in the sofa,with my feet up and hugging two pillows tightly....
well to gather some strength to walk till my bedroom, called up my mom but cudnt tell her that i was so brave...so spoke for a few minutes and then hung up...
breathed heavily, and locked all the doors and lit all possible lights and slowly walked till the bedroom... with so many butterflies in the stomach, i thought i will go wash my face and freshen up....in the ten second walk till the restroom, i had innumberable questions popping up in my mind....what if i wash my face and look up and see the mirror and find some one else instead of my face?!! what if some one closes the door from outside? what if something pops up from the bath tub? what if therez no water coming from the tap??what if someone else sleeps on my bed before i go back to my room? before i could reach the bathroom door, i changed my idea... well i am looking fresh enuf... who the hell is going to come and see my glamour at 1230 midnight ah?
thought of listening to some music so that( my company doesnt get bored??!! i dont know y i thought of it) there will be some good air around and switched on the mp3 player which is connected to the speakers...five minutes passed and the song stopped abruptly...! then started the real tension... (with biting cold outside and my heater not switched on) i still started to feel tiny sweat on my forehead...the heater switch lies right beside the door and my bedroom door is not locked! so grabbed some strength to go switch on the heater...i almost ran till the door to lock it and switched on the heater and pulled the phone in my room closer to my bed... nine one one shud be handy.... then i started thinking, what if something happens and i call the police, how will the police come in?( intelligent right?!!)( then i was laughing in the middle of all this tension ,that ,my so called companion wud open!! big deal yaar.. cant she do this little favour to me??!)..... i left my veronica decides to die on the sofa....i left the water jug also in the hall... cudnt dare go till the hall( if i wud have gone that lady wud definitely come today again and said someone is running yday night!) so tried very hard to sleep with the bright closet light flashing on my face... finally dozed off( god knows when...) and woke up almost in the afternoon... with so much of bright light and bravery,i switched on the mp3 player to check why it wasnt playing....and then realized... the rechargable battery in it has no charge!!
had a hearty laugh.... and then started my day... well yday night i cudnt sleep out of fear..and today dint sleep to upload this post..
well, my friendly companion wants to do the spelling check.. so over to her!!

Feelings are weird...filled with scary illusions..!

Celebration…..

Was checking some forwards a couple of weeks ago and I read an interesting forward of what celebration means.. I started thinking what celebration meant to me…and here is the result… celebrating some happy moments...
Celebration means having your time for yourself….
Celebration means the long walks on a bright day..
Spending hours together with ur best buddies in a coffee shop…
Finding some old letters when you are busily searching for some important papers in your rack…
Finding your unposted letters to your mom during ur hostel days and giggling about the stupid stuff u have scribbled in it…
Chatting in google with an old friend…
Having some good reliance and airtel offers to call home….
Recollecting those old sleepless nights with phone conversations (thanks to hutch!) and feeling happy about it…
Sitting at different places of the world and having a video chat vth ur frenz….
Having an ice cream and watching the first snow!
Lazing the whole day on the couch and then cooking a feast for yourself….
Reading some old blogs…
Looking at some old photographs and reading the comments u have written across them…
Penning down a few lines to your dear ones and having the happiness in anticipating a letter….
Writing a few lines in ur dairy when u receive your first salary…
Saving your first few notes to show ur mom…
Several moments of celebration…
It was fun back home to spend some wonderful moments too….
Waking up for the first wake-up call—my pet’s lick!!
Waking up late on a festival day… walking straight up to the tv and watching it till we get royally and go take bath, after a series of serious bhashan,
Eat some good food… spend some fun time with family…
Hang around with ur frenz when therez is little or lots to celebrate….
Name a cause and just celebrate..let it be a cup of chai…or a plate of panipuri…just having ur time….
Meeting ur good old friend and rolling back those wonderful times together….
Shopping some little stuff to make colourful kolams…and not waking up early in the morning to help my sis draw the kolam-and finally be a critique on how good the kolam would have been if I were awake!!
Laughing happily for no reason…
Long walks in the evening and sharing some secrets with ur sis…
So many happy moments…so much in life to celebrate…. how and why you celebrate are our personal choices though…the circumstances may be different..u may be alone..but still u can have fun!
Well now I am celebrating with a small cup of coffee coz I posted something after a long time…
So have a rocking year…( I was supposed to post this on dec 31st..but cudnt…)keep celebrating..
Feelings are celebrating too!